


You're the Light (And I'm a Shadow)

by naegahosh



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Alternate Band, Angst, M/M, Sexual Content, Suggestive Themes, backup-dancer!woozi, superstar!hoshi, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 13:51:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5293553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naegahosh/pseuds/naegahosh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Jihoon and Soonyoung both don't realize is that the brighter the light is, the more distinct the shadow gets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Light

**Author's Note:**

> This is alternate universe, alternate band, alternate personalities. The boys are really out of character. I wrote this a /long/ time ago when I just started to learn the boys' names aND I WAS INFATUATED BY THEM

**You're the Light**

_Darkness._  
  
There were an ample variety of anxieties that darkness tended to create. To some it built fear, and to some, it sparked anticipation and excitement that have been longed for so dearly. And to special some, it was both.  
  
_Lights._  
  
Rays of blinding lights showered upon him, and Jihoon could picture the crowd chorusing a gasp behind the white lights. Before he could adjust his stunned pupils, Jihoon's body shifted automatically to the first beat of the song.  
  
_Bass._  
  
Jihoon curled his clammy hands as he felt the low rumble of the beats thump against the platform under his feet. The reverberations travelled up his legs like a slithering serpent, spreading to his chest and adding to the beat of his pounding heart.  
  
_And music._  
  
Jihoon began to dance. An exhilarating mixture of screaming and cheers burst from the crowd. The energy struck Jihoon as if to knock him off his feet, and Jihoon smiled a bud of elation, feeling the pump of adrenaline in every direction of his veins.  
  
Time was both eternal and short-lived on stage.  
  
As soon as the song laxed into its ending, Jihoon relaxed, his muscles flexing naturally to the flow of the melody. He could feel the crowd swing in accordance with him, their mood easing to meet the end. Jihoon smiled at his own deceiving act. The powerful and abrupt beat started again as Jihoon lost himself in the melody, elevating the atmosphere to another full hype. The audience erupted in an ecstatic craze, the delight of the ear-splitting noise stimulating every nerve of Jihoon's body.  
  
The song struck the last chord of the performance, and Jihoon breathed heavily as his chest rose up and down in beat. The cheering continued, undying and seemingly eternal. Jihoon smiled as someone's euphoric voice travelled through the mic.  
  
"Thank you, everyone!"  
  
Jihoon watched sparkles of light reflect off of Soonyoung's sweaty face as he waved back into the enchanting roar. Jihoon backed out from the lights and tip-toed into the shadow, his original place, all the while not taking his eyes off from the overjoyed male. Soonyoung was beaming, his left eye squinting from a drop of sweat seeping in, but giddy nonetheless. Jihoon's eyes followed him from the dark, his mouth emitting an inaudible laugh when Soonyoung whooped and hollered back at the fans, taking off his jacket and hurling it into the crowd. Wonwoo high-fived Soonyoung and laced his arm around the blond's shoulder. Jisoo crouched over to the front end of the platform and picked a confetti off an enraptured fan's head. Seungcheol was laughing as he held his arms around Jeonghan, who was practically sobbing.  
  
Jihoon clapped, along with the howling crowd.  
  
The moment felt so real. He felt so connected with everything, the sweat, the tears, the time and effort he put into making this so real...  
  
"Get off the stage!"  
  
Jihoon jumped as someone swooped in from the blue to yell loudly into his ear. Realizing how there was nobody left but him behind the lights, Jihoon quickly nodded at the man with a black cap and a staff-key necklace, and rushed to the near end of the platform to run down the stairs.  
  
As if Jihoon's existence never took place to begin with, the rapport between the singers on stage and the audience was continuous and unbroken. Below, people moved busily about, and Jihoon elevated himself to the tip of his feet, moving his neck around to spot another glimpse at the stage.  
  
"Hello, earth to Lee Jihoon,"

Junhui waved his free hand over Jihoon's face as he changed out of his stage costume. He shook a dry towel over his wet locks, eyeing Jihoon's dazed form. Jihoon didn't bother to respond. His conscience hadn't descended yet with his body, it was still floating up there amidst the cheer and under the bright lights, where everyone could see and appreciate him. A man bumped into Jihoon at that moment, gazing down at him and Junhui in disapproval before passing them in a disgruntled manner.

"Sorry about that, sir!" Junhui bowed and shouted after him. He grabbed Jihoon's wrist. "Come on, we're not needed anymore."  
  
Catching the last bit of Soonyoung turning around and looking for somebody, Jihoon let himself be taken away in Junhui's lead.

 

 

  
  
Jihoon was a backup dancer.  
  
To be exact, he was a trainee waiting for his debut, among pools of others that were just like him. But in concern of Jihoon being the only source of financial support in his household, the company had let him take part in some of their idols' projects when needed, with pay, in which Jihoon was infinitely grateful for. Jihoon was the sole light for his mother and his younger brother Chan, yet in reality, he was always the shadow created behind those lights.

No longer able to endure catch and chase with the loan sharks and suffocated under a draught of hope, Jihoon's father had left the family without a trace. Jihoon had no way in knowing that his future was on the verge of crumbling into dust, or else he wouldn't have dropped out of school to focus on training.  
  
That was two years ago. Jihoon had to make a realistic decision. Jihoon insisted that he end the contract with the company that he was under for three years, but his mother was firm on the situation. She didn't want her son to give up on his only dream. So Jihoon went on. Sometimes, he was grateful that he could earn money off of something he loved so much, being immersed in music. But then Chan would remind him,  
  
"That's what happens, hyung. When you debut someday."  
  
His brother would often say he was dumb like that. Truthfully, Jihoon really didn't see it coming.  
  
On occassions of a concert, Jihoon joined a school of backup dancers that worked with the performing group. Mastering the choreography was pretty much how he spent his regular training days, and Jihoon didn't mind the brutal night-long practices. He also didn't mind that it was how he initially met Wen Junhui, although Jihoon somehow knew that he would've met Jinhui in his life through some way or another. Unlike Junhui and the dancers that were signed under a specific dance team, Jihoon belonged under his company's name. It was probably the reason why the dancers left him out in their casual jokes or on social events like the after-party, whether it was out of silent envy, a feeling of disassociation, or just pure ignorance.  
  
Jihoon too didn't think that he could blend with the dancers, but that didn't mean that he fused with the actual singers either.  
  
Sure, he had made friends with Kwon Soonyoung, a primal member of the company's most prized band, Diamonds. That was how he naturally started to spend more time with the entire band. They were really nice, down-to-earth people that treated Jihoon like an old friend or a younger brother, but that didn't mean that Jihoon felt completely comfortable.  
  
Unless it was just Soonyoung there. Oddly, Jihoon didn't trace any forced friendliness or hidden pity when he faced Kwon Soonyoung, the superstar.

 

 

  
  
It was about a year ago, when Jihoon was told that he would participate in Diamonds' second national concert. In shorts and a loose hoodie, Jihoon entered the familiar pratice room on the company's third floor when a shoe came flying inches away from his face, dangerously fast. Had Jihoon walked in two seconds early, the shoe would've smacked him right in the nose and set off a spurt of nose bleeding in the practice room. The running shoe, which was on the verge of tearing apart, Jihoon noticed, fell limply in front of him. Jihoon looked up in the direction where the shoe had flung from. A group of boys whom Jihoon recognized to be from Junhui's dance team, were laughing loudly with some others. At _some others_ , Jihoon's eyes widened slightly.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
A blond, lean-figured boy departed from the group and ran towards him. He was part of that 'some others', which had placed Jihoon in awe, quite uncharacteristically. The guy in front of him was  _the_  Kwon Soonyoung. Jihoon recognized him right away. Soonyoung's smiling mouth carried a glint of geniality, and Jihoon automatically sensed it to be a trait he carried everywhere he went.  
  
"Yeah. It didn't hit me."

Jihoon managed to voice after a couple of seconds.

"We were just playing, and.." Soonyoung chuckled. "Sorry, almost got you there."

"...It's fine, you didn't."  
  
Truth be told, if the shoe did smash him in the face, Jihoon would've had to dash to the hospital without a chance to join the practice, but Jihoon felt the need to keep the conversation short. Moreover, Soonyoung probably didn't care as much as he intended to sound like he did.  
  
"It was supposed to have been aimed at Wonwoo." Unfortunately, Soonyoung kept talking. "Didn't think the sloth had the reflexes to dodge it. Sorry about that."

"It's alright, I didn't get hurt."

"You would've though, if it hit you. I threw it pretty hard."  
  
Jihoon tried to imagine himself getting slapped across the face by the running shoe. He probably would've taken it as a dirty joke the dance team was pulling on him, but shortly after tried to reboot some dignity back in himself. The fact that Junhui wasn't joining in on this gig seemed to be affecting him more than he would've liked. Jihoon gathered his thoughts again and nodded. As if to study Jihoon's face to see if he was believing him, Soonyoung stared at Jihoon for an uncomfortable second before cocking his head.  
  
"Have we met before?"

"Sorry?"

"Sorry, I meet a lot, and I mean  _a lot_  of people, and I feel like.."  
  
Soonyoung trailed off, and Jihoon tried to think back. He didn't think they'd met. He would've definitely remembered if they did.  
  
"I don't think so." Jihoon finally answered. "But we may have brushed past each other, I'm around this building almost 24/7."

"Really?" Soonyoung looked intrigued. "Why is that?"

"I'm a trainee here."  
  
A look of recognition flashed past Soonyoung's face.  
  
"Aha. You're right. I think that's it."  
  
Soonyoung grinned, his eyes slanting upwards in this weird captivating way that almost made Jihoon smile back. A loose sleeveless tee draped over Soonyoung's fit body, revealing his stomach whenever he moved his arms. With each movement of his arms, the fine lines of Soonyoung's body highlighted his dancer-like figure which told Jihoon that it hadn't been created over just a day. His wrists and ankles were protected under deliberate bandaging, and Jihoon knew it was incase Soonyoung snapped his muscles while dancing. Soonyoung was famous among the trainees for being an over-devoted dancer, the cause of an unhealthy ambition.  
  
"If that's it, you've got some eye."  
  
Jihoon responded accordingly, trying to keep up with the superficial conversation. Soonyoung stared again. It was when Jihoon cleared his throat that Soonyoung visibly eased again.  
  
"Nah." He smiled in a laid-back manner. "You've got... that look."  
  
Jihoon raised his brows.  
  
"That look?"

"It's a compliment." Soonyoung added quickly. "Anyways, if you're a trainee, you must be a tad interested in speaking to us about our career?"  
  
This time, Jihoon couldn't think of an appropriate response. Soonyoung dropped his arms from gesticulating fervently towards his members when Jihoon kept quiet, significantly embarrassed. Soonyoung's face flushed a bit red.  
  
"Oh gosh, that might've come out a bit cocky. I meant, I could probably help you. Y-you know, as a person who went through it all."  
  
Jihoon nodded silently. Soonyoung scratched his head as if to be unsatisfied with Jihoon's answer. Jihoon was beginning to realize that Soonyoung was an open book. A book without discretion, a book that anyone could open. Jihoon wondered how the guy could be so obvious without filtering any of his behaviours or expressions. Soonyoung opened his mouth again, this time without so much confidence.  
  
"Did I do something wrong?"

Soonyoung drawled, clearly bothered by him, Jihoon could only assume, but he didn't grasp why. Soonyoung was actually beginning to make him feel uncomfortable now. This was new. Attention was unfamiliar and he wished Soonyoung would leave him alone. 

"What?"

Jihoon's tone elevated to an unusual pitch. Everything that was coming out of Soonyoung's mouth was pushing him off balance.

"You've been looking agitated for some time, now."

"Me?"  
  
Jihoon asked, genuinely surprised. Soonyoung dramatically frowned to make creases between his eyes, making it obvious that he was copying Jihoon's expression.  
  
"Yeah, like this. Ever since I saw you."

"I didn't even know." Jihoon admitted, now feeling self-conscious. "I'm probably just nervous, it's my first time preparing for a legit concert."  
  
Then he added, "Well, your concert."  
  
Soonyoung laughed soundly and took a step closer. Picking up his ragged shoe, Soonyoung began to circle around Jihoon and scanned him from head to toe. The air around Soonyoung was warm and wafted of sweat as if the guy had a head start in practice. He started on how Jihoon's face looked like it was frozen behind a wall of invisible ice, being overly blunt that Jihoon couldn't even bring himself to point out how rude Soonyoung was being when they had literally, just met. As if to have come to his own conclusions about this trainee-slash-dancer Lee Jihoon, Soonyoung stopped circling. He pointed to Jihoon's sleeves that drew down to cover his hands.  
  
"Pull 'em up."  
  
Soonyoung sighed and repeated himself when Jihoon didn't respond.  
  
"Pull your sleeves up. It'll loosen you up. Your body will have  _ventilation_."  
  
Soonyoung stressed when Jihoon only blinked. He placed his shoe back on the floor and reached for Jihoon's unmoving arms, personally pulling his sleeves up as if he was Jihoon's mother. He took a step back when he was done, facing Jihoon's confused eyes.  
  
"You looked confined. Trapped." Soonyoung told him. "No wonder you looked agitated, your sweater is eating you up. And no need to be nervous, you'll feel that there's something completely worth it at the end of all this. Plus,"  
  
Soonyoung continued, as he picked up his shoe and thrust it towards the group behind him. Someone yelped in pain, and the 'sloth', or  the guy whom Jihoon recognized as Diamonds' Wonwoo, whipped his head around. Scowling, Wonwoo screamed Soonyoung's name and marched towards them. Jihoon's head turned back and forth between Soonyoung and Wonwoo, as the baffling situation seemed to continue around him. Soonyoung merely winked and whispered into Jihoon's ears before Wonwoo could reach them.  
  
"Don't worry, he's anything but intimidating."  
  
And like that, Soonyoung had naturally merged Jihoon into his group.

 

 

 

  
**And I'm a Shadow**  
  
"What 'cha thinking about?!"  
  
Jihoon woke with a start. Soonyoung practically yelled into his ears to override the reverberating bass of the club, and Jihoon squinted his eyes in the hazy atmosphere. The stream of light that assisted his sight was an eerie purple, but then in an instant Soonyoung's face flashed neon green. They were at the afterparty after the concert, and Junhui had long abandoned him to join the pack that were dominating the center stage. Jihoon thought he'd had enough dancing for one night.  
  
"Nothing," Jihoon laughed. "having fun?"

"Seriously?"  
  
Soonyoung rolled his eyes. Celeb parties were external, an easy route to one-night sex and drugs, an impractical cosmetic attribute that was part of Soonyoung's career, but unfathomably necessary. Soonyoung pulled Jihoon by his wrist towards the hall towards the rooms, specifically towards the room where the central members of the party were hanging out. Soonyoung pushed open the shiny metallic door. Jihoon entered, taking in the posh room of velvety cushions and ice buckets full of beer bottles, his vision getting snatched from time to time by  _a lot_  of bare female legs.  
  
Jisoo and Wonwoo were hanging out with some of his celeb friends in the middle of the room, while Jeonghan seemed to be conversing with a man in a suit, who looked like someone of importance. Soonyoung and Jihoon approached the group of familiar faces.  
  
"Rumours are a scary thing, you know."  
  
Kay was saying, holding up a glass of champagne. The pink liquid churned inside the crystal glass, between Kay's accessorized fingers. Jihoon could instantly tell, by the look of everyone's amused faces glancing to and fro from Jisoo to Kay, that Kay seemed to be in the middle of trying to provoke Jisoo's calm demeanor once again. As a solo pop star and one of the many rivals of Diamonds, it wasn't much of a top secret that Kay hated Jisoo's guts. Jihoon guessed that it was because Jisoo was self-controlled and an expert at keeping his cool, something Kay was incapable of.  
  
"Everyone here probably heard about this one at least once," Kay smirked. "about a certain someone who's been rumoured to be sleeping around with his sasaeng fans these days, unable to suppress his urging sex drive anymore."  
  
There was a moment of silence as everybody somehow agreed to wait for Jisoo to speak.  
  
"...Interesting."  
  
Jisoo finally spoke. Kay waited for Jisoo to say something more, but Jisoo was apparently finished, as he took a sip of his champagne.  
  
"Well, its definitely not Seungcheol."  
  
Soonyoung butt in. This time, everyone's heads turned towards Jihoon's right side, where Soonyoung was standing.  
  
"And why is that, Soonyoung?"  
  
A beautiful woman whom Jihoon recognized as an actress asked, her tone glinting with laughter.  
  
"He's  _networking_. In the room right next to our's."  
  
Soonyoung said playfully, pretending to whisper and putting his forefinger in front of his lips as if it was supposed to be a secret. By networking, everyone knew, Soonyoung meant that Seungcheol was screwing some top model, big time, as they were currently speaking.  
  
"At least he's being productive."  
  
Jihoon offered and Jisoo burst out laughing. Kay scowled, grumbled something about getting another drink, and hurriedly left the group.  
  
If some topic related to women or sex was going to be linked with Seungcheol, Kay probably knew he was met with failure for the day's attempt. Choi Seungcheol had a considerably superior stance regarding 'sex', and nobody could argue that Seungcheol's scandal was even 'news' anymore. The group of actors, actresses, and pop singers naturally disintegrated, leaving the four to themselves.  
  
"It's actually true, because Seungcheol hadn't slept with anyone in two months." Jisoo nodded towards Jihoon, obviously still entertained. "Jeonghan's been quite strict on him during the preparation for the concert."

"Well then, condolences for whoever she is."

"Pretty amazing, if you ask me." Soonyoung commented aloofly. "He might actually get her pregnant just by snogging her face."  
  
The four male started snickering in unison, until someone approached them from behind. Jeonghan harshly jabbed Soonyoung in the side and gritted under his teeth.  
  
"Shush, idiots. One out of three people in here are freaking reporters."  
  
Soonyoung plastered his hands to his mouth, looked around, found that nobody was listening on them and shrugged. He still shut his mouth nonetheless, knowing that he wasn't prepared to listen through Jeonghan's reprimandings tonight. Jeonghan looked at Jihoon and nodded curtly, acknowledging Jihoon's invitation into the room.  
  
Jeonghan was a soft-spoken person with a sharp personality. The contrast was corporeal. The company had demoted Seungcheol last year from the leader position, because of so many scandals he was bringing into the group, and thus Jeonghan had led the group since. He had the ability to discriminate what was right and wrong, not just in the sense of moral values, but in detecting what was the correct and appropriate steps for Diamonds to take. Jeonghan knew which direction he wanted to go, and the man was capable. But that was what Jihoon found inhuman. He always sensed that Jeonghan reared up a wall of thorny bushes between them, something Jihoon couldn't cut through with the strongest of his swords. It wasn't visible, but it was just below palpable.  
  
"Watch out for what you're saying, even in the presence of your closest people." Jeonghan warned under his breath, as another presumed-reporter curved towards them. "Or leave the premises. Now."

 

 

  
  
"17" was a club Jihoon could constantly be seen going in and out of before he took up the gig of dancing at concerts. It was a secret that was still kept to this day and that could never be revealed to the company, but Jihoon had a ridiculous reason. He needed to drown in music. He needed to dance continuously, extract melodies and bass from the beats that almost deafened his eardrums, and come home humming a better tune. He fought to keep his mind off of his insecure future and unsteady present, and the only place he could go to after the company closed its doors was 17. He'd dreaded going back home where his mother and Chan slept soundly in the dark. He loved them, but reality was a lot of responsibility that Jihoon wasn't ready for.  
  
Feeling nostalgic and weirdly at home, Jihoon picked at the vines that had started to grow from the dirty cracks of the alleyway, warping a small portion of the back of the club building.  
  
"Stop that."  
  
Soonyoung grumbled. Jihoon graced him a glance, and went directly back to picking at the leaves again. Soonyoung was probably just sulking about the way Jeonghan coached his (im)maturity. Leaning on the fence that was opposite from Jihoon, Soonyoung cocked his head as if the collars of his jacket was irritating his skin. Jihooon was standing on top of a rock and was able to gaze down at Soonyoung. He figured he liked the view. Crunching the baby leaves in his fingers, Jihoon wiped the green sap on his jeans.  
  
"I'm just letting her breathe. Ventilation, remember?"

"What?" Soonyoung frowned, and Jihoon slowly curled and uncurled his sticky hands.

"She looked confined. Trapped."

Jihoon leaned forward and pulled on Soonyoung's face with his messy fingers. He stretched Soonyoung's soft cheeks, cracking up.

"And you, Kwon Soonyoung, needs to do the same."  
  
Jihoon continued to toy around with Soonyoung's face, liking the feel of his smooth skin. Then his hand skated down to Soonyoung's collars, brushing his fingers briefly against Soonyoung's neck before unbuttoning the top two buttons of his jacket. Soonyoung's eyes instantly narrowed.  
  
"Is this one of your trick moves, or do you actually want me right now."

"I'm just smudging sap off my fingers, Soonyoung."

"...So its a trick move?"  
  
Laughing, Jihoon moved his hands up to force Soonyoung's eyelids down and then proceeded to playfully pull his shapely nose. Soonyoung opened his eyes, his brows still furrowed. Jihoon didn't realize until recently how frequently he and Soonyoung fooled around with each other's faces. It was a pretty childish and unguarded behaviour now that he thought about it, something two grown up boys shouldn't be so naturally adjusted to. As soon as this thought occurred, Jihoon stiffened. Suddenly feeling the urge to kiss Soonyoung's cheeks that were slightly smeared green, Jihoon backed off.  
  
"Can we go eat somewhere?" He said instead. "I've been starving since they served those pretentious mini pizza bite things at the party."

"Yes,  _please_."

Soonyoung groaned. To Jihoon's relief, Soonyoung seemed completely oblivious to the awkward change of the atmosphere.

"Should we let Seungcheol or Jeonghan know?"

Jihoon questioned, and Soonyoung shot him a wary look.

"Is there a way?"

"...Never mind."  
  
Jihoon knew better than to assume that Seungcheol was done for the night. On the other hand, Jeonghan would probably flip.  
  
"Why is it anyways, that Seungcheol is so obsessed with sex?"  
  
At Jihoon's inquiry, Soonyoung brought his hands up to his chin, pretending to deduce.  
  
"Childhood trauma?"  
  
Jihoon put on an expression which showed that he was entirely unconvinced, and disregarded Soonyoung's hypothesis with a wave of his hand.  
  
"I didn't ask you to come up with a story, I was assuming you knew since you guys practically grew up like brothers."

"He's a raging ball of hormones," Soonyoung shrugged. "We're twenty-one."  
  
Jihoon caught himself being considerably persuaded. After all, he himself wasn't in the position to judge Seungcheol, much less say anything. Soonyoung suddenly pushed Jihoon into the hard wall of the club. Jihoon faltered, almost falling off the rock, feeling the vine leaves rustle under his clothes.  
  
"And incase you forgot, he's not the only one."  
  
Soonyoung lifted his chin and mumbled inches away from his ears, the breeze tickling the hair on Jihoon's neck. Soonyoung slipped his hands under Jihoon's shirt, circling his finger around Jihoon's bare stomach and belly button. Soonyoung pressed himself harder against Jihoon, now whispering into Jihoon's ears while sucking on his earlobe.  
  
"I'm obsessed with  _you_."  
  
Jihoon slipped a hollow laugh. They've done a lot of things at a lot of different places, but a club filled with reporters who could whip up the most outrageous gossips with a second of a glance was definitely not the place. To hell with reporters, there were  _people_  around here.  
  
"I dare you."  
  
Jihoon said threateningly. Soonyoung stalled for a second, his hands slipping back out as he parted away. His face was comical as if to stifle a laugh, and Soonyoung stared at Jihoon before he opened his mouth.  
  
"You know, sometimes you say things that are way out of your character..."

Jihoon cocked his brows, waiting for Soonyoung to finish. 

"And it's seriously the cutest thing in the world." The blond burst out into a set of laughter. "You're so fucking adorable!"  
  
Adorable was probably the last thing Jihoon was trying to be. He waited for Soonyoung to stop, but the guy was doubling over hysterically, now clutching onto the wired fence for bodily support. His dumb snorts now getting the best of his annoyance, Jihoon hopped off and was just about to kick Soonyoung in the shins and march right back into the club when Youngmin walked into the alleyway. Youngmin was Diamonds' manager, and Jihoon automatically stepped back. The man never liked Jihoon around.  
  
"Kwon Soonyoung, interview inside." He said, somehow unaffected by Soonyoung who was dying with laughter. "Now."  
  
Soonyoung nodded, trying to breathe deeply but coming to a fail. Chortling another broken laughter, Soonyoung finally composed himself and started to head out. Jihoon's face was burning against the cold night chill. He stopped at the club's VIP entrance, before Soonyoung could push him inside again.  
  
"I think I'm going to go home now."  
  
Soonyoung smirked as if he thought Jihoon was too embarrassed to stay, and Jihoon wished that he could punch the obnoxious male in the face.  
  
"Alright, I'll call you later then."  
  
Soonyoung said cheerfully. Jihoon nodded and watched the blond make his way inside, smiling faintly when Soonyoung turned around twice to wave him goodbye. Jihoon reeled back when Soonyoung was out of sight, waiting for Youngmin to clear his path. The man didn't move. His eyes were fixed on his target, still as air. Jihoon waited, and Youngmin finally shuffled, barely generous. Jihoon brushed past him, but his feet stopped automatically when Youngmin's low voice reached his ears.  
  
"Shouldn't you be heading towards the company in a few hours?"  
  
Jihoon faced the cold man. He couldn't make out Youngmin's face from the dark, but he didn't have to see to know what kind of eyes the man was staring down at him. Jihoon knew that Youngmin didn't expect much from him, rather considered him a waste of the company's time and money, a false investment. In fact, he represented most of the people in the company, considering Jihoon's weak circumstances.  
  
"You seem well." Youngmin broke the silence. "Feeling important with the boys around you?"

"Sir, I didn't-"

"Don't try to stand out, Lee Jihoon." Youngmin cut Jihoon off, leaving the boy in the dark as he walked away. "Know your place. It's for your own sake."  
  
As his voice rang at his ears, Jihoon stared after the man as he disappeared behind the darkness. The wind cut into his light jacket and seeped into his empty stomach, filling his insides cold. Jihoon swore that the hollowness in his stomach was due to the hunger and that the blurriness in his eyes was from the wind. It was the hunger and the cold, and there was nothing else to it. He would go back to the company and somehow end the contract tonight. By tomorrow, he'd be out of the company's reach.  
  
He was probably going to miss Soonyoung, his first friend and maybe something more, but Jihoon knew; nothing in life came without a price.   
  
Soonyoung was the light, and Jihoon was just a shadow.


	2. Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've put a lot of thought into this plot (oh the disorganized mess) and decided to make this a chaptered story! For those of you who read the first chapter when it came out and saw my end-notes, you probably know I was really hesitant with this story because it was completely off-balance with the whole vibe of seventeen in real life. 
> 
> But I'm going to give this a chance! It's going to be heavy, frustrating and consist a lot of triggers (especially homophobia although it's less obvious right now), but I want this to feel as realistic as possible in the context of South Korean society, and I just want to say that I don't mean to offend or hurt anyone. I'm not great with tagging so let me know in the comments if I should include anything as the story goes. With that out of the way, here it goes. I hope you guys enjoy :)

The dawn creeped, pale and subtle as always. The world spread below Jihoon as if someone had poured a pail of gray paint all over the streets. Jihoon stared down at the emotionless view before turning back to the hotel room. He walked towards the empty bed and turned on the switch of the mini lamp on the side table. Splash of warm orange instantly wrapped Jihoon around from the washed walls, and Jihoon stood still for a minute, taking in the short-lived comfort. He contemplated on going back to bed but he knew falling asleep wasn't going to happen. Not when Soonyoung's temperature had left the bedsheets a long time ago.  
  
Jihoon unlocked his phone to check the time. It was six in the morning. Soonyoung had probably left about an hour ago, unnoticed. A forlorn dawn of five o'clock was presumably a good measure, his dorm would've probably been deserted of even the most devoted fangirls. Jihoon closed his eyes for long second and opened them. Three hours. It took three fucking hours and a mere phone call from a drunk Soonyoung (who had zero alocohol tolerance, Jihoon could swear to god) to break him of his own pathetic promise.  
  
Leaving the company was something Jihoon had contemplated over a thousand times in his head. It wasn't a spontaneous decision that sprouted from having his hope crushed or ego stomped all over. That happened loads of times. Jihoon just saw no future of himself singing and dancing on stage, his sweat drops shining against the spotlight that was meant for _him_. He knew people like Youngmin were waiting, veiling Jihoon's existence over time until the young trainee got sick of rotting inside the practice room, which was beginning feel a lot like a cell, and quit himself. Jihoon was stuck. He was getting nowhere and the answer was to leave, to give them what they wanted.

But Jihoon was scared.  
  
Jihoon was the primary finance source of his family. His mother was a full-time cleaning lady who needed as much help as she could get, and Chan was only a high school student. Jihoon was determined to let Chan finish his education, something he himself couldn't do, and give him all the support his brother needed. Jihoon knew he made exceptional cash dancing under the company, and a job at a nearby convenience store wasn't going to grant him the same benefits.  
  
Moreover, Jihoon knew his mother was going to blame herself for her son's abandonment of his dreams. He wouldn't be able to bear the accusation she was going to build up for herself. And Chan's disappointment. Jihoon couldn't let down Chan.  
  
A small sigh slipped between Jihoon's lips, the coldness making his shoulders shudder subtly. There was something else that tugged at his heart, something Jihoon had tried to push to the bottom cabinet of his mind. The sheets felt ice cold and cutting under his fingers without any heat resonating from a person's presence. Goosebumps pricked on Jihoon's arms as his palms pressed over where Soonyoung had been a few hours ago.  
  
Soonyoung.  
  
What he felt around Soonyoung was undescribable. Jihoon had tried countless times already but a clear explanation couldn't be constructed with abstract words when reality was simple; Soonyoung shined so brightly near him that Jihoon could only be his shadow. Jihoon wasn't an angel who was going to lie that he never had moments when he was so overwhelmingly jealous and envious of Kwon Soonyoung that he just wanted to punch the guy's carefree and handsome face. It was incredibly frustrating because Soonyoung was supposed to be his best friend, someone who accepted him for who he was without any deceitful or meticulous calculations masked over a friendly smile. And his celebrity friend never rubbed it in his face because Soonyoung was just always Soonyoung; bright, dazzling and eye-catching without even trying. It was in his nature.  
  
Sometimes Jihoon wasn't sure if he admired or resented his friend. It was complicated and their relationship that tended to escalate during frequent nights did nothing to clear his understanding.  
  
_Faster, Soonyoung. Fuck, faster._  
  
Trying to shake off the raspy voice that was unfamiliar to his own memory, Jihoon got up from the bed as if to leave the setting that evoked last night's memory and quickly headed for the washroom.  
  
Jihoon slipped out of his robe to take a shower. On the way to the glass shower stall, Jihoon glanced into the mirror and froze. The first thing he saw were the white dry remnants all over his face, crusting over his cheekbones and all the way down to his puffy lips. Jihoon then remembered, how rushed and heavy Soonyoung's breaths were as he came all over his face, how Soonyoung shivered and panted as he growled Jihoon's name.  
  
Not that Jihoon had expected such manners from Soonyoung, but Jihoon should've known better than to just fall asleep after that. Jihoon cussed under his breath as he imagined how Soonyoung would've looked watching him sleep, occasionally stroking the sweat-sodden bangs off his forehead with a satisfied smile resting on his mouth. _Damn it._  He hated giving Soonyoung what he wanted like that.  
  
After splashing cold water onto his face irritatedly, Jihoon tried to stomp into the stall in a violent manner until a spark of immense pain down his lower back shocked him to drop his jaws, yet unable to produce a sound. Forget showers, Jihoon gritted to himself as he added a long train of cusses to the particular person who had caused the pain, he really longed for a long, hot bath. Trying not to move his legs, Jihoon slowly planted his hands on the sink for support. The cramps were tolerable compared to the first time, and by now he had learned to deal with it, but still, pain was pain. Trying to stand up straight again, Jihoon cringed at the sparking pain below his torso and this time, with extreme caution, stepped into the shower booth.

As streaks of hot water washed away Soonyoung's remains on his face, Jihoon realized that despite it all, he couldn't deny the fact that it was nobody's decision but his in continuing to have sex with Kwon Soonyoung. It probably meant that Jihoon was enjoying it as much as he hated to admit it. He had lost the count of it anyways, around the same time when he realized that he was becoming immune to the disgust, regret, and guilt that it had initially brought. Jihoon couldn't control himself during the impossibly intoxicating and exhilarating tide of losing himself, especially between the slippery touches, urging breaths, and mostly, the delightful pain. But he still hadn't learned how to cope with the emotional void that came afterwards.  
  
The unchangeable fact was that Jihoon and Soonyoung were having sex. The fact was that there were no other exchanges between them, whether it be romantic intimacy or commitment. Wild sex drives of young men who just surpassed boyhood were never to count on, because they were otherwise termed lust. Friends with benefits, Jihoon nodded to himself, knowing that they were still far out of line because no other person would see it the same way.

They were both males. 

The soothing warmth of showers never helped his attempt to forget, but Jihoon tried anyways. Every single time. 

Nevertheless, it wasn't as complicated as it seemed. They were using each other, for comfort, pleasure, sexual satisfaction, however Jihoon called it each time. Nothing else went on in the relationship, other than the friendship and the secret that Jihoon and Soonyoung shared. Nothing tragic, Jihoon always told himself at the end of the day. It was the reason why he continued.  
  
Jihoon stepped out from the shower stalls, water dripping from the end of his locks as he reached for the towel. Roughly tousling his wet hair with it, Jihoon reached for the phone he left on the edge of the sink when he noticed two unread text messages.  
  
_want me to pick you up in two hours when we head over to KBS?_  
  
The first one was from Junhui, who would be getting a ride from one of the dancer hyungs to the broadcasting station. _Shoot_ , Jihoon clicked his tongue, slowly rubbing the towel over his neck. He'd forgotten about the music show Diamonds was going to appear on tonight. _And Kwon Soonyoung still had the nerve to bang the life out of me?_ Jihoon gritted under his breath, automatically putting his hand on his torso that ached with an uncautious step. Jihoon knew it wasn't going to continue being a problem since it would soothe by the time they started camera rehearsals (much sooner if he could catch a break with a hot milk tea), but still, Jihoon was going to kick the guy in the shins as soon as he had the chance.  
  
Or should he?  
  
Jihoon bit his lower lip. The thoughts he'd given this morning weren't like other days. They weren't disintegrating from his head even after a hot shower, they were lingering on him, sticking to his mind, constantly whispering in his ears. Which is why he ignored the second text message that had come from Soonyoung.  
  
_You up?_  
  
Staring at the two words for a while, Jihoon skated his eyes away as his hand reached out to the misty mirror, rubbing it in circular motions to reveal his reflection.  
  
"Wake up from this stupid dream and face reality, Lee Jihoon."  
  
Jihoon muttered to himself in the mirror. He'd start one step at a time. Not too fast, but progressively.  
  
_dude I'm sorry but I feel really sick today_  
  
Jihoon texted Junhui back.  
  
_mind asking one of your crew members to cover for me?_  
  
It would start off with stop seeing Soonyoung so much. Not at once, but gradually. Naturally.  
  
_yeah no prob but damn you must be really sick if you're not hurling yourself at the chance to dance on stage_  
_this is lee jihoon i'm talking to, right?_  
  
_haha hilarious, wen junhui_  
  
_just worried for u :( take care, alright?_  
  
_absolutely mommy_  
  
A small smile rested on his mouth as Jihoon put the phone back down. Knowing that he was free of schedule, a sudden wave of fatigue suddenly washed over his body. Jihoon quickly dried himself and picked up his clothes that were tossed carelessly on the floor. Using his hands to iron out his crumpled shirt as much as possible, Jihoon put it on, staring at his blank expression in the mirror before turning away. The composition room at the company seemed like an awesome hideout as well as the best place to distract his thoughts in music. Ignoring the mass of time he had left, he turned out the lights. The ghastly grey-blue of the walls reappeared, and knowing he would never set his feet in the lavish room again, Jihoon headed out.   


 

 

  
The next two weeks was basically an epic quest of what Jihoon could title as "Let's avoid Kwon Soonyoung and see how far we get". Which was actually pretty far, even to his own surprise. Not that it was that difficult for Jihoon because what, Soonyoung was a popular celeb, and Jihoon tended to forget sometimes.

Diamonds was one of the top boy bands in Korea with a huge fandom established over a sturdy root. Their music hit the top charts as soon as they released a song, reporters were lined up to interview the members, CF requests were rolling in, and an appearance on many variety shows were very much sought so. It didn't mean that the mainstream crowd recognized Diamonds as legitimate "artists", but the rising idol group was slowly getting there. Soonyoung had always come at the end of the day (which was ironically six o'clock in the morning) to slur complaints about their insane schedules before he was knocked out hard to sleep, but he didn't remember hearing a single negative thing coming out from Jeonghan's mouth. Rather, if they happened to catch a break, Jeonghan worried that their popularity might be threatened. Jihoon thought Jeonghan was on the verge of paranoia.  
  
Hence it wasn't a wonder why Jihoon had been able to avoid Soonyoung for good two whole weeks. It didn't feel like it, because he could spot Soonyoung if he turned on the television or decided to google his name, and maybe that was why it was easy. Getting used to "missing" part, that was. Away from the lights, not having to be a blinded shadow.

But making up excuses was one hell of a strenuous task.  
  
_I won't be there today._

 _I_ _have a vocal training scheduled today._

_I sprained my ankle._

_I caught the flu._

_I cant. I just... I can't today, Soonyoung._  
  
Jihoon rubbed his dry face, pulling down on his headphones and habitually clicking with his mouse to save his composition. The digital clock by the table was flashing at three in the morning, and another day had successfully and safely reached its end without having to see Soonyoung's face. As the repetitive melody that he was working on faded with the lowering of his headphones, Jihoon realized that it was exceedingly quiet outside. The staffs probably headed home a long time ago, and by the absence of the reverberations that usually travelled down the light wooden floors, he was probably the last trainee and person to be inside the building. Jihoon got up and stretched, relaxing his muscles that had long stiffened from sitting in his chair for too long. He was going to call it a day. Saving the file and throwing the USB in his bag, Jihoon stepped out of the studio.  
  
"Holy fuck," Jihoon breathed, the air stalling in his throat before the silhouette sitting outside of the room clicked in his head. "Kwon Soonyoung, what the hell is wrong with you?"  
  
The hall was unlit, and the first thing that his eyes caught in the darkness was a mysterious blob, completely still as if dead and sitting in front of the door. Jihoon's brows knitted together as he looked down at Soonyoung, his pulse still racing fast from the surprise. Soonyoung seemed to have been dozing off for a while now. His head snapped up at Jihoon's voice, one leg propped up as he sat against the wall.  
  
"Hey."

Soonyoung smiled drowsily.

"You know the drill. If you don't come to me, I come to you."  
  
It wasn't the first time Jihoon tried to avoid Soonyoung, and Jihoon wondered if the blond's tweaking was intentional. It probably wasn't. Soonyoung never grasped the situation around them and Jihoon just had something to feel guilty for. _Well that was a waste of effort_ , Jihoon silently mumbled. He walked over to Soonyoung and crouched in front of his friend. Soonyoung blinked slowly as if to be still half-asleep. He still had make-up over his face, the thick eye-liner and glossy lips trying to hide his fatigue but failing miserably. Soonyoung looked tired.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Soonyoung asked, his voice cracking from the dryness. Jihoon reached into his bag and held out a bottle of water, his brows soaring as if to be asking what he meant. Soonyoung took it, took a long sip, and licked his lips.  
  
"The flu. You feeling better now?"  
  
_Oh right._ Jihoon leaned slightly back, hoping that Soonyoung hadn't been able to see his beyond healthy complexion amidst the grogginess.  
  
"Yeah." He coughed lightly. "Couldn't have felt better."

"Good." Soonyoung nodded, raising his hand and tugging softly on Jihoon's sleeves. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."  
  
Jihoon didn't say anything. He did feel concerned though, because Soonyoung looked, and sounded, absolutely worn out. Jihoon felt his arm move on its own. He reached out towards Soonyoung's face, stroking his hair gently and rubbing his thumb over his cheeks.  
  
"Are you done for the day?"  
  
Resembling a puppy relishing in its owner's touch, Soonyoung sighed into Jihoon's hands.  
  
"Yep."

"You should've gone straight to your dorm and gotten some rest, Soonyoung."

"Nah, this is even better."

"What is?"

"Just, seeing that you're doing okay."  
  
Jihoon laughed. "Of course I'm doing okay."  
  
Soonyoung always had a knack of making Jihoon feel even more guilty that he already did. Soonyoung tugged the shorter male's sleeves more obviously now, inaudibly asking Jihoon to lean in, come closer, feel his breath, and press his lips against his own. Pretending not to notice, Jihoon let Soonyoung cling, just moving an inch forth. Soonyoung pouted.  
  
"Spraining an ankle? Catching the flu? None of those sound okay to me, Jihoon. Junhui won't even look in my direction because he's so sick of me asking how you're doing."  
  
Jihoon felt himself soften, able to vision how worried and anxious Soonyoung must've been throughout his schedules of performances, recordings, and long hours inside the van because of all his lies.  
  
"Sorry." Jihoon said. "I'm fine now. But I still won't be able to see you for a while because I want to catch up on all my trainings."  
  
Soonyoung's grip on his sleeve tightened. Jihoon continued.  
  
"You know how I've been missing out on my own training from trailing after you guys, and I know experience is important," Jihoon hastily added before Soonyoung could interrupt, "but being at the broadcasting station and seeing all the behind-the-scenes stuff as a trainee, it's giving me second thoughts, you know?"  
  
Soonyoung straightened, his expression turning serious at his last words. Jihoon was impressed at his own improvisation. He tried to keep his tone convincing.  
  
"Just seeing celebrities backstage, being exposed to the career's nakedness even before I debut, it's scaring me and I need distance from it all. I need to focus on the stuff that brought me here in the first place. My love for singing, dancing, composing, and just naively dreaming to debut. I don't want to quit because of some trivial shit I didn't expect to face and throw away something that might be worth enduring. You, out of all people, understand, right?"  
  
Jihoon could see Soonyoung buying it. The blond nodded, now glum, yet acknowledging that Jihoon won't be joining him the next day or the day after that.  
  
"I knew you would."  
  
Jihoon smiled brightly, and Soonyoung blinked slowly as if to space out. Jihoon shuffled uncomfortably in his crouching position to stand back up when Soonyoung's hand left his sleeves to fasten around his waist.  
  
"So since that means we won't have any time soon," Soonyoung whispered in a rush. "Can we kiss?"  
  
Jihoon didn't think it was a good idea. Not when he just lied his way out so that he could stop seeing Soonyoung. But Soonyoung seemed so exhausted, as if to be needing all the coaxing in the world to recharge his energy. Guilt about lying to Soonyoung was one thing that was fuelling Jihoon to think that it might be okay. But as soon as Soonyoung's breath reached his face, Jihoon suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to kiss Soonyoung himself.  
  
As soon as Jihoon's head moved enough to be taken for a nod, Soonyoung tilted in and captured Jihoon's mouth with his own. Jihoon fell onto the floor knee-first, but he was too taken up by Soonyoung haste tongue to realize the pain. Soonyoung sucked hard on his lower lip, pulling Jihoon up to seat him on top of his legs. He slipped his hands inside Jihoon’s shirt, rubbing around his stomach and eventually skating up to finger his nipples. Jihoon felt an unknown fizz waterfall down his spine, something Soonyoung’s hands and tongue sparked whenever they triggered the senses he didn’t know existed. Jihoon shivered, his hanging hands linking around Soonyoung’s neck as he inhaled the blond deeply, hungrily.

Jihoon unconsciously moaned, causing Soonyoung to halt for a second before muttering a low _fuck_ and sucking on his lips again. Completely fazed, Jihoon forgot why he was kissing Kwon Soonyoung at three in the morning at the deserted company. He didn’t even notice that he was starting to naturally grind and rub against Soonyoung’s pelvis when Soonyoung grunted with a burst of air, panting into Jihoon’s ears.

“Blow me, Jihoon.”

Jihoon had already felt Soonyoung under him, hard between his thighs. Jihoon unzipped Soonyoung’s black jeans and thumbed over the outline of his tent. In a rush, Soonyoung hastily put his hands under Jihoon’s armpits, lifting him up to his knees as he brought himself against the wall. Wiping off his glimmering lips with his sleeves, Jihoon pulled down Soonyoung’s briefs and took Soonyoung’s cock in his mouth. Soonyoung sighed, the low and heavy breath reaching Jihoon’s ears. Blatant sucking noises of Jihoon's wet mouth engulfing Soonyoung’s cock echoed down the empty hallway, the sound only heating them up more and more.

“Fuck, you’re so good.”

Soonyoung’s hoarse voice escaped between his teeth as he covered his face with his free hand, the other delving into Jihoon's locks and disheveling his hair. Jihoon sucked harder, feeling the grip of Soonyoung’s hand tremble with each time. Soonyoung suddenly pulled him up by the wrist and clashed their mouths against each other. He spun and switched their positions around, pinning Jihoon against the wall and grinding his knees between Jihoon’s thighs. Soonyoung skilfully slipped his tongue in as soon as Jihoon’s lips parted in surprise.

“Can we?” Soonyoung asked, the husky tone sounding more like a plead than anything. “Right now? Jihoon, I-”

Jihoon responded by swallowing the rest of his words. When Soonyoung unzipped the other male’s pants, Jihoon hopped up, slipping out of his clothes and wrapping his legs around Soonyoung. Soonyoung laughed, whispering something Jihoon couldn’t make out into his mouth and –to Jihoon’s lack of preparation– entering him without any prior loosening of the body. Jihoon almost screamed in pain, but his guilt didn’t let him refuse or protest. Perhaps this was Soonyoung’s way of telling him that he still wasn’t completely satisfied or understanding of the situation that they won't be seeing each other for a while. Jihoon gasped, clinging onto Soonyoung as if his life depended on it, his waist arching like a bow every time Soonyoung pounded into him. _Fuck_ , Soonyoung growled again, and he kicked open the door to the studio, carrying Jihoon to the sofa with himself still inside, plunging harder and harder even before they reached the soft cushions. Soonyoung was careful when he placed Jihoon on top, getting vigorous again when he saw that Jihoon settled himself. Jihoon clenched the sides of the cushion as sparks exploded in front of his eyes, his brain turning completely white. He moaned as Soonyoung nibbled his earlobes, not thinking so much as how this was a big screw-up in his plan of “leaving” the company, his dream, and really, Soonyoung.  
  
Right now, nothing else mattered.


	3. Be The Light

Sometimes, when Jihoon looked out the practice room window with short breaths huffing out of his mouth and sweat rolling down his red cheeks, he had a hard time distinguishing whether the day was ending or just beginning. He lost the concept of time, as they passed by more quickly and moved on before Jihoon could consider them worthwhile knowing. His life pattern became reduced to just moving back and forth between his house and the company, yet he was as busy as ever, filling his days with unending practices and lessons that often let Jihoon forget the necessary things in life. Like eating. Sometimes, sleeping.  
  
When Junhui dropped by, clicking his tongue in disapproval as he shoved a bag of McDonalds in Jihoon's arms, Jihoon received it gratefully, the delicious smell wafting into his system and allowing him to realize how painfully starving he was.  
  
"I do eat," 

Jihoon protested when the creases between Junhui's brows deepened, as the said male keenly observed Jihoon's beat form. Jihoon looked even smaller than usual, practically drowning in his black pullover that looked much too big for his size. Or maybe it was Jihoon who shrunk from excessive exhaustion. Junhui could bet anything that it was the latter. 

"I just tend to forget when."

"Look Jihoon, trust me when I say that I  _know_  that you're dedicated."  
  
Junhui sighed as he crossed his arms, watching his friend plop down onto the cold surface of the dance studio to eat. Jihoon was completely distracted by the hamburger, grunting moans between bites as if he just witnessed heaven, continuing to stuff his face. Junhui rolled his eyes.  
  
"You're preparing yourself for debut and I admire that. You'll rule over Korea one day, I guarantee you."  
  
Junhui finally gained Jihoon's attention with that, as the shorter male looked up and frowned, munching on the burger and gulping it down forcefully. Jihoon reached for the bottle of coke. His throat hurt, probably because he hadn't eaten any real food for a while now. Refusing to let Junhui know, Jihoon tilted his head as a gesture for the dancer to continue. Seeing the corners of Jihoon's mouth smeared in mayonnaise and ketchup, Junhui sat down in front of the trainee and grabbed some napkins.  
  
"I just don't understand where this burning passion suddenly came from. I'm not saying you weren't passionate before, but isn't this a bit too much?"  
  
Junhui finally blurted, wiping Jihoon's mouth with more aggression than necessary. When muffled complaints slipped between Jihoon's mouth and his hand, Junhui threw the dirty napkin down and fixated Jihoon's head so that he could see himself in the practice mirror.  
  
"Dear god, Lee Jihoon, just take a look at those hideous bags under your eyes!"  
  
Jihoon stopped chewing, half because Junhui's hands were squeezing his cheeks and preventing him to do so, and half because his sallow, haggard face came into his view. He looked weak. Dim. Unsteady. Composed of anything but superstar material. Jihoon's grip on the burger tightened as he shoved some more into his mouth, trying to regain his appetite. He turned away from his own reflection and grinned.  
  
"I know, it's ridiculous isn't it?" Jihoon laughed with his mouth full. "Consider yourself lucky that you aren't part of this, Wen Junhui.  _This,"_ Jihoon pointed to himself, wildly gesticulating in an over-reactive manner. "-is what happens when the spring evaluations are right around the corner and you're given a maximum of four minutes to prove that you ought to stay, show them what the hell you've been doing in this building all this time, and that you haven't been spending the company's money for nothing."  
  
Junhui scrunched his face, knowing much too well of what the term 'evaluations' really meant. Death. It literally meant death, especially for people like Jihoon who took it way too seriously. Maybe it could've been easier if Jihoon had some trainee friends that could look out for him, but knowing where Jihoon stood in the crowd, Junhui knew better. It was the reason was why he dropped by from time to time, going out of his way to deliver fast food so the guy wouldn't pass out.  
  
"I should've known." Junhui shook his head. "When is it?"

"Tomorrow." 

Jihoon answered, stuffing the rest of the hamburger into his mouth and crumpling up the wrapper into a ball. Watching Jihoon throw the ball and scoring it into the trash can, Junhui nodded.  
  
"Good."

"Please, it's anything but good," Jihoon made a face and stood up, able to read his friend's expression like a book. "Yes, I would lay off on training so much so that I don't worry you,  _mom_ , but I'm anything but ready."  
  
Junhui realized that as much as Jihoon tried to sound casual, his tone quivered uneasily, his fingers rubbing against each other to make a snapping sound. It was something Jihoon habitually did when he got anxious.   
  
“You’ve been ready since the day I met you, Jihoon. You don’t know what you’re capable of, I swear to _god_ -” Junhui started to rub his temples, and Jihoon sensed that his friend was going to go off on another lecture about how Jihoon should keep himself positive and healthy. Hastily grumbling that he couldn't afford any more time to chitchat with Junhui, Jihoon succeeded in pushing his friend outside the practice room with a promise that he would let him know when he would catch tonight’s sleep.  
  
"Jihoon, you'll do great, and you  _are_  great, no matter what the trainers tell you tomorrow. You've been here long enough to know that."  
  
Junhui’s last words rang at his ears as Jihoon closed the door behind him. Jihoon tried to smile, the look only coming off as bitter against the mirror. Junhui was right in the sense that Jihoon had been training at the company for five years. Five years was a long time, and the number was haunting when there was no future. As if to mock his own desperate try, the more Jihoon tried to let go of false hope, the more he locked himself up in the studios. It was like he was split into two different identites; one who threw away his USB into the garbage dump behind the company building, and one who would sprint back in less than five minutes to pick it back up. The sense of lingering attachment was something Jihoon couldn't forcefully get rid of at once.  
  
And Jihoon didn't know how to stop what he'd been doing every day for so long. It was hard, how he had to convince himself minute after minute that it was the right thing to do, and ironically, it compelled Jihoon to focus his entire mind on singing and dancing, something that made him feel at ease. It was an excellent way to take a lot of things off from his mind, and particularly some _one_. 

Keeping himself busy around the company was an effective distraction that turned his course of mind far away from Soonyoung. Really, Jihoon would call the blond and thank him if he had the nerve, because as a veteran trainee going into his sixth year, he wouldn't carry such intense enthusiasm and fervor if it hadn’t been for Soonyoung’s face that constantly loomed over his eyes whenever he had a chance to catch his breath. Vocal training and dance practices provided excuses that Jihoon could actually use when he avoided the singer, and he devoted every moment in time to practicing until twenty-four hours a day just wasn't enough.  
  
Besides, the spring evaluation was sort of Jihoon’s last resort. If he screwed up, it would give him closure.  
  
Jihoon wasn't sure if he wanted closure.  
  
Heaving himself up with a sigh, Jihoon pressed the play button on his phone that was connected to the stereo. He shaped, matted, and remolded himself to be judged, to stand out among the crowd. His aim was to be perfect. To shine. The world of trainees wasn't as simple as how the outsiders saw it. It was a compressed form of the law of the jungle, the survival of the fittest and the finest. Jihoon was set in the lowest hierarchy, disregarded as the one without hope. It was a norm, in this business for trainees on-going four years of training, to be labelled as an old worn out shoe that wasn't valued anymore. To them, Jihoon was a burdensome liability that the company had to deal with. He wasn't a competition or a threat. Rather, Jihoon was a cast in the shadows, somebody they could push aside, someone who didn't count.  
  
And Jihoon knew exactly where he stood. It was precisely why he tried so hard.   
  
Jihoon's feet planted itself firmly onto the floor with an abrupt end of the beat. His sweatdrops rolled off the end of his locks and sprinkled over his shoes. Jihoon cringed. It didn’t feel enough. Exasperated by his own lack of satisfaction, Jihoon gasped for air, feeling like a pair of invisible arms were squeezing around his throat to suffocation, until he ran outside the dance studio that he’d locked himself in for god knows how long.   
  
_You’re not going to make it. You’ll fail and let everyone down. You’re wasting your time, idiot._  
  
The words roared at him with hate, and Jihoon's heavy pants shortened as he hyperventilated for oxygen. These were imaginary whispers, Jihoon tried to tell himself as he clawed at the wall, desperate to stabilize his breathing. He just needed time. Once his thoughts slowed down and the pumps of his chest decelerated to a steady rhythm, Jihoon felt his legs wobble and dropped against the walls of the corridor. It was quiet. Maybe it was after hours. It was ten in the evening the last time Jihoon checked, however long ago that must’ve been. His pondering let his eyes latch onto the posters of the seniors that had debuted from the company, who were continuing to exhibit successful careers. Among them was Diamonds, profiles of Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Jisoo, Wonwoo and Soonyoung, all framed and aligned side by side, triumphantly high up on the walls. Jihoon blankly stared at Soonyoung’s face, his friend’s charismatic glare causing his breaths to hitch again.

Jihoon immediately stood up, allowing his feet to take the lead down the familiar hallway without a specific destination. He knew he ought to go back inside the dance studio, but the fear of suffocating to death dawned on him as a reality this time, and his feet seemed to know, refusing to take him there. He tried not to trip on his uneven steps, clamping his mouth close and calmingly breathing through his nose. By the time Jihoon realized that nothing was going to make him feel better tonight, he was at the top of the company building. The desolate rooftop waited for him unchanged, the place that the stars sometimes shone upon if they were lucky enough to pull through the Seoul city smog.   
  
It had been months since Jihoon had come up to breathe fresh air, but the rooftop of the company building was one of Jihoon’s favourite places to be. It was clean and deserted, as if to welcome the lost and lonely, allowing them to lean on the metal railings with just a dim light bulb illuminating the premises. The night chill was more cold than comfortable, but Jihoon glided forwards as if to be taken up by the clear lookout of the night lights spread before him. Trusting the icy pole to support his entire weight, Jihoon lunged forward and longed to dive into the view. The sky was dark as if someone had drawn an opaque curtain, the stars clustered in patterns that occasionally sparkled.

Ironically, Jihoon really liked stars.  
  
Against the night-time backdrop, the stars were struggling, perhaps racing each other, meeting the hazy fog of pollution on the way, solely to be seen. They almost resembled him, embedded in the sea of darkness that gave away no hints of where they were. Whether they were close enough to be seen by anyone on the grounds of Earth, or still very far off, hopelessly behind, they still fought to emit light, to keep itself visible and prove its presence.

They were like him. 

A year back, Jihoon had received comfort from the stars like he’d had today. It was the day he first set his foot inside a broadcasting station, when Jihoon’s name was added to the list of Diamonds' crew as their back dancer. Pathetically wrecked by the paralyzing nervousness, Jihoon was just robotically complying to his muscle memory when his feet slipped against the slippery platform. His voice ripping a panic-stricken cry, Jihoon involuntarily interrupted the performance. He broke away from the formation, tumbling face-first down onto the stage. His stupid mistake had delayed the entire rehearsal, and Jihoon never forgot how his face burned, the embarrassment overriding all pain as the dancers crowded around him to ask if he was okay, and the staff behind the cameras shot him irked glares. Jihoon didn’t remember how he managed to finish properly. As soon as the camera rehearsals were done, Jihoon ran down the stage, desperate to find an exit. He came across the rooftop of the broadcasting company, momentarily frozen under a shower of stars.   
  
Jihoon always sought to be a perfectionist. He never stopped practicing until he reached literal perfection, and even then Jihoon continued to repeat, trying to  _automatize_  the perfection. It hadn't occurred to him that he could make a mistake outside the dance studio, _especially_ on an actual stage. Being in full control of his performance was an important element in Jihoon's philosophy, and he never considered the possibility of unexpected incidents happening to him during times when it actually mattered. The incident was a huge blow to his head, and the fear engulfed Jihoon to its endless bottom. Once the fear bloomed, it continued to expand, and the possibility of making a mistake during a live stage caused Jihoon’s small body to shake, the terrifying idea spreading over his entire existence and quaking any form of stability he held. Jihoon clutched to the railing, hating how he could feel his shoulders rise up and down in an irregular pattern.   
  
That was when Jihoon felt a warm hand, steadying his trembling shoulders. 

“The stage is one sly bitch, huh.” He’d heard Soonyoung say before he could lift up his face. “You know, the more you fear her, the more malicious she gets.” 

When Jihoon’s head snapped towards him, he saw Soonyoung flash him a childlike grin. “Just have fun. She’ll join you once she knows she’s met her match.”

His easy demeanor illuminating under the pretty streak of silver, Soonyoung’s smile came to Jihoon as something more than just a friendly gesture, something more than just a comforting reassurance. He couldn't help but stare, and Jihoon could’ve sworn a gentle thumb wiped over his foggy vision.

Jihoon just didn’t hold detailed memories that came off too strong.

Maybe that was why he hadn’t fully understood what Soonyoung had meant by then, but those words held weight in his heart now more than anything. As strange as his words sounded, Soonyoung had always known what to say. The corners of his lips curved slightly, as Jihoon reached inside his pockets and fumbled with his phone. He wondered what Soonyoung would say if he was to confide into him, if he had enough courage that was, and tell him why he was distancing himself away from the singer, away from his dreams, away from the things he was fearfully fond of. His fingers cautiously hovering over the screen that flashed Soonyoung’s name, Jihoon stared down at the device for a good minute before shoving the temptation back into a place he couldn’t see.

It was better that he didn’t know.

 

* * *

 

  
Jihoon always went home. No matter how late it was, and although he would usually leave a few hours later to come back to the company before dawn, Jihoon always checked home. It was so that his mother would know that her son was okay and stopping by, just by seeing Jihoon’s dirty clothes in the laundry basket or a finished cereal bowl in the sink. They both knew it was unnecessary, when Jihoon could sleep at the dorms that the company provided for the trainees, and when it was timely more convenient and practical for Jihoon to actually use them.

His mother simply knew that her son had reasons.

Jihoon just never voiced them aloud, and he couldn't believe he’d missed it. His heart had plummeted into his stomach the moment he saw that the windows were lit at two in the morning. He surged through the doors to see his mother kneeling amidst the ruins, cleaning up sharp pieces of glass and objects thrown in detectable fury.

If he’d been home, if he hadn’t been at the company dancing for fucking _no one_ , Jihoon wouldn’t have missed it.

"You should’ve called me.”   
  
His mother looked up at Jihoon's shaky voice, and the faint, concealing smile was all too familiar to cause Jihoon’s blood to boil.   
  
"Who was it this time, the loansharks? No, dad? Was it dad?!"

Ignoring the glass crunching under his feet, Jihoon stormed over and pulled his mother up. He really didn’t want to appear angry, shouting at his mother who had absolutely no fault in the matter, but the blotch of purple blooming from her left eye all the way to her temples was enough to dispel his composure.    
  
"It was dad, wasn't it?"   
  
His mother shook her head, not losing the soft look in her eyes despite the alarming decibel of Jihoon’s voice. Jihoon stared, trying to read her expression, wanting to vomit out his frustration when he had no other choice but to trust her. His mother wrapped her hands around Jihoon’s hard grip on her arm, trying to coax her son into believing her. And Jihoon did, whether it was true or not, he would never know. Jihoon slid off, attempting to flatten his anger until it occurred to him that he hadn’t seen Chan. His brother would usually dart out of his room to attack him with hugs whenever he had the chance, although it made more sense tonight for the younger male to scream at him with resentment. Either way, Chan wasn’t there doing any of those things. Jihoon’s thoughts froze in panic. He hastily turned towards their shared room, until his mother forestalled him before he could ask.  
  
"Chan’s fine, Jihoon. It really wasn’t as bad as it looks.”

His mother smiled reassuringly, and Jihoon wished he had the heart to tell her that it wasn’t working.

“I told Chan to spend the night at jimjilbang. Did you eat?" Jihoon watched wordlessly as his mother examined his face in concern, as if she was in any better shape. "I made kimchi stew, I can heat it up for you."   
  
"Mom,"  
  
"I'm fine, sweetheart. You know they like to throw stuff around just to scare us."

Jihoon knew that his mother meant to do the complete opposite, but they evaporated any words Jihoon had to say right off his tongue. It hurt, how it came off as incredibly casual. But Jihoon couldn't counter back, for it wasn't something new, and he knew that they would go back to their regular lives once the glass on the floor was removed.

And yet there he was, trying to chase his utterly ridiculous dream. What the fuck was wrong with him?

As his mother busied herself in the kitchen, pretending like nothing was wrong, Jihoon reached for the broom and started to sweep the floor. He pursed his lips tightly, as if to zip it up, incase he might just scream and say something that wouldn't help the situation at all. And he should’ve focused on keeping his mouth shut, or on getting rid of any pieces of sharp glass that could potentially cut through his mother or Chan’s socks, instead of paying attention to his phone that vibrated with arriving text messages.  
  
_dude i'm at mr. choi's party and guess who’s here?  2: 04am_

_park fucking shinhye   2:04am_

_and she asked me for my number  2:04am_

_you know what that means, i just moved up a class  2:05am_  
  
Jihoon then remembered Soonyoung saying something about getting invited to a party held by the Choikang group. Choikang group was one of the most successful corporations as of right now in South Korea, famous for their launch of the Choikang department store, the Choikang hotel, and most interestingly, for the CEO's son Choi Seungcheol, a member of the band ranking no.1 in Korea right now, Diamonds.   
  
The Choikang group. Diamonds. The name and everything that followed the syllables sounded so surreal at the evaporation of his whisper, making the contrast between Jihoon and Soonyoung's circumstances devastatingly corporeal. And the timing was almost spooky and hilarious at the same time, as if the divine decided that it would be fun to stir up the anger that Jihoon tried so hard to mat down.   
  
"Would you like fried eggs, Jihoon?"   
  
His mom called from the kitchen, adding a look of worry when she saw Jihoon standing in the middle of the chaos, glaring down at his phone. Jihoon looked up, meeting his mother's warm gaze.   
  
"Yeah. That sounds great, mom."  
  
He replied after a thick swallow, the clench of his fist on the broom whitening with strain. Barely suppressing the urge to smash his phone onto the ground and sweep it away with the rest of the shattered glass, Jihoon tried to avert his thinking elsewhere. 

Then he remembered the resume he revised half a year ago. 

 

* * *

  
  
“Congratulations Jihoon. Your singing was great, your dance was original, you remembered to breathe at every single breath mark, and the emotions you were trying to convey as the song progressed was on point."  
  
He should’ve seen it coming.  
  
"Really though, I wouldn't have cared at all if you sang a ballad, a pop song, or an R&B- hell, I wouldn't have minded if you mimed in front of me because all those things were not what I was looking for today."  
  
Jihoon was outside, trying to keep his legs busy and clear his head, the vocal trainer's merciless voice from an hour ago somehow penetrating through the music his earphones were blasting into his ears.  
  
"I saw zero confidence. Confidence makes up for any kind of mistake you could potentially make, but perfection can't make up for the void of confidence that isn't simply there." The man tapped his pen on his notepad, meeting his eyes in a way that made Jihoon shrink. "And if you're not confident enough to keep your face up while a professional judges your performance, Jihoon, I can't imagine you being actually out there, where thoughtless remarks made in two seconds on the keyboard can degrade your entire devotion."  
  
Jihoon could've sworn he heard snickers from where the other trainees were seated and watching him, but Jihoon hadn't been able to say anything in return because fucking damn it, every single word that came out of his trainer's lips were brazen truths.  
  
He screwed up. And no matter how that sucked, ultimately, he'd gotten the closure that he'd wished for. Wasn't this what he wanted? Jihoon seethed, angrily storming down the street with a yellow folder at hand. It was obviously a sign, a sign from above that apparently thought Jihoon was too much of a moron to realize anything and decided to drop him some hints, like him fucking up his spring evaluations and the pang of reality that waited for him at home yesterday. Jihoon’s steps faltered as he bumped into a man walking in the other direction, and Jihoon picked up his folder and brushed past the man that spat cusses his way. It wasn’t the first time today anyways, and Jihoon had a place to get to. A place where he _should’ve_ been all this time, a place that will actually get him somewhere.

As if to reveal his feigned determination, Jihoon’s feet skidded in hesitation as he approached a building with the sign that read ‘Modern Sori Academy’. It was a vocal and dance academy that Jihoon was bound to be hired in as soon as their eyes landed on the experience section of his resume. Jihoon may not be enough to debut, but he was exactly what they looked for in prep schools like these. Having received high-end training under a legitimate company and having the experience of strolling through broadcasting companies, Jihoon was definitely a catch. Not to mention the fact that he was from the same company as the one that produced Diamonds. _Diamonds._ That mere fact catered Jihoon a solid background.

Telling himself that he wasn’t going to be an idiot like the last time he turned down their extraordinary offer, Jihoon pushed open the door. Money. That was what his family needed the most right now. What _he_ needed. He had wasted enough time already. Jihoon plastered on a smile and opened the door, trying to scrape the last bits of confidence that he had scattered around somewhere in his guts. If he had any left, that was. Unfortunately he didn't, because unlike the confident stride Jihoon had set up in his head, he approached the reception table in a timid manner. The woman behind the table seemed to be overly interested in some celeb scandal that was blaring loudly over the television as she gushed over the phone, but she quickly put the receiver down and lowered the volume as soon as she saw Jihoon. Her surprised expression indicated that she remembered him, of which Jihoon guessed was a good sign.

At least it provided him a tiny piece of confidence. Jihoon cleared his throat.

“Lee Jihoon. I believe you’re still looking for a vocal trainer?”

 

* * *

 

Jihoon didn’t remember the last time he came home before the sun set, ate freshly prepared dinner with his mother and brother, and giggled through fruitless conversation with Chan before drifting off to sleep. His limbs felt jittery, as if he was experiencing some kind of withdrawal symptoms of not singing or dancing or clicking away on his composition at every second he was awake. But it was blissfully relaxing and Jihoon realized he’d missed being part of a family. Neither his mother nor Chan questioned why Jihoon was home, and Jihoon didn’t bother telling them about the job interview he had with the music academy. It was an ordinary day that he would never deem ordinary, other than the fact that Soonyoung hadn’t messaged him once.

Hypocritically, and quite shamelessly, Jihoon felt hollow.

It was only the next morning when he woke up to three text messages, scrambling to see if they were from Soonyoung, only to find that all three were from three different sources.

One was from the music academy, one was from Junhui, and the last one was sent from the head office of the company.

Jihoon glossed over the first one announcing his welcome into the school, texted a short reply to Junhui’s asking about how the evaluations went (fucking horrible, and no _mom_ , mcdonalds cant make this better), and read over the message that he received from the company for the thirtieth time again, in a mere span of ten minutes.

He was a trainee. Probably a neglected one at that. He _never_ got called to the head office. Rarely, any trainees were summoned by the CEO unless they’ve done something terribly wrong. Or terribly great, Jihoon supposed, but he didn’t remember doing anything near _okay_. It had to be the former, because according to his memory, Jihoon had a better chance of debuting if he fucking mimed.

For what? What were they calling him up for? Did he really screw up that badly? Completely distracted by the sudden call, Jihoon didn’t have the luxury to notice the exceptional commotion outside and inside the company. Taking the unusual route upstairs rather than the one leading down into the basement to the practice rooms, Jihoon mindlessly pushed through his way. There were a lot of people, certainly more than the usual number of staffs Jihoon was used to. The loud ringing from the continuous influx of phone calls may have startled Jihoon from time to time, but it was quickly reduced to an insignificant drone by the small storm Jihoon had created in his own head. People busily moved about, crashing into him, but they were too busy to apologize, trying to catch up on their fumbled steps. If Jihoon afforded a second of comfort, he would’ve noticed how exasperated they were. Their foreheads glistened in cold sweat, their palms wrapped around their phones clammy, as they tried to convince the demanding reporters on the other line. And if Jihoon’s pulse wasn’t racing so fast, he may have caught the familiar name that was being dropping from their mouths at every other second or so. But the buzzing noise of activity could only linger around Jihoon’s ears, losing its way of being filtered into Jihoon’s brain. The only thing Jihoon heard was the frightening thumping of his heart, getting increasingly louder as he walked up the stairs and slipped into a quieter hallway.

When he reached the CEO’s office, Jihoon may have thought he dreamed the whole thing. He blinked furiously, trying to pinch his arm but failing with the lack of strength. Yet it was enough to realize that he wasn’t dreaming, and a small ball of anger bubbled within him.

It was one thing to give up on his own will. Being forced to quit was another.

The bubble quickly snowballed into uncontrollable rage, and Jihoon wasn’t sure if he could face the CEO like a rational adult. If he’d really been called to be kicked out, saying he was useless after five long dreadful years, Jihoon might as well just play clever and quit before they had the chance to "let him go". He’d have more dignity that way, and Jihoon loved the idea of preserving whatever he had left.

What happened when he barged inside the office, however, was nothing like what Jihoon had expected.

He had planned to quit, he really did, but Jihoon had no idea that the woman Seungcheol had networked with, or rather _fucked_ , at the party after Diamonds' concert was a "crazy lunatic bitch" (as quoted by Dambi, the CEO), who had set up a video camera without Seungcheol knowing, sent a twelve second video clip to the company and Choikang enterprise, threatened for billions of dollars until a snooping reporter made a ground-breaking discovery, and instinctively released an article yesterday that spread all over the media and conclusively, had all of Korea knowing.

Except Jihoon. Jihoon really didn’t know.

He shut his mouth, realizing how he had it hanging open the entire time Dambi explained, snapping mid-way, about their current situation. There was a short silent pause, and that’s when Jihoon heard it, the relentless ringing of phones that flooded the entire building.

It was a scandal. This was huge. Serious. Everything that Seungcheol had put through Diamonds before this could be considered cute. Jihoon started chewing on his bottom lip, his rage long gone and replaced with simmering worry. That meant Seungcheol, and the rest of the Diamond’s members, were in complete lockdown, their paralyzed phones discarded, laptops and tablets confiscated, and curled up as far as they can from their front door that was being prowled by hungry beasts.

Frankly, Jihoon was more worried about Soonyoung than the eldest member. Unlike indifferent Seungcheol or self-controlled Jeonghan, unlike _him_ , Soonyoung was easily affected.

Dambi sighed. “Look, Jihoon. I’m sorry to call you up so unexpectedly but I’d like to cut right to the chase. Those hyenas are fabricating the story with each passing minute, and the number of articles that are pouring over the web is exponential, even as we’re currently talking.”

Jihoon frowned, irritated at why he had anything to do with the matter. He’d rather have some alone time, where he could contact Junhui or conjure up ways to reach Soonyoung.

“First off, I just want to tell you that you’d been placed in a debut group that we’ve been planning for a while.”

Jihoon stopped breathing.

“So there’s no doubt that you were going to debut this year. It’s just that,” Dambi's eyes hovered around the ceiling, searching for the right word. “…circumstances have altered the _course_ of your debut.”

Maybe Jihoon was an idiot. But maybe his CEO was also being rudely confusing about his life-long dream.

“I’m sorry?”

“Jihoon, you’re debuting as a new member of Diamonds.”

Just when Jihoon thought all was lost, he’d started to emit light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I want to say is I'm /so/ sorry for how long I've neglected this story. I also know that the lack of soonhoon probably didn't make up for the wait, and I'm just so thankful for those of you who still came back to read this. This wasn't going to be a chaptered story when it first began, so I'm really just setting up a plot. Hence it's just so incredibly choppy.
> 
> Also, the ending might feel abrupt but it'll be further explained in the next chapter. If you're aware of how the strange strange k-pop industry sometimes works, maybe going-as-far-as-to-recruiting-a-new-member-to-cover-something-up-and-divert-attention thing isn't all that new. 
> 
> All kudos, and any kind of comment or feedback is greatly appreciated :) Again, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


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